Crying in the middle of my 26th birthday party would definitely have killed the mood. The tears settled in my eyes like dew plops onto flowers. The gnawing in my belly had finally forced me to stand still after days of nonstop action and emotion. Facing the truth about myself had taken the wind from my sails. As my friends boogied and partied all around me for my birthday, I was resigned to this outcome since I was the one who caused it. I was lonelier and more disappointed than ever. I had planned this day meticulously only to be miserable when the time came. But, I gained a valuable lesson in the end.
It all began in the three months leading up to my birthday. I was on the phone catching up with Kendall when I brought up the topic of my birthday. We had met about five or six years ago when we became sorority sisters. The journey through pledging and college had only brought us closer. She became like an actual sister so it felt natural to share my birthday plans with her. I had planned a large group trip two years prior to Savannah, GA. I was honored to have nine friends who are like family, affectionately known as framily, from college and beyond to travel hours to join me for the celebration. It was the perfect display of siblinghood, memory-making, and love. I wanted that again for my 26th birthday.
I bounced around all kinds of ideas from dinner reservations to Six Flags. I settled on renting an Airbnb and having a small party. I decided what needed to be done and began to delegate the tasks. My friends, being the generous humans they are, rushed at the chance to support me for my day. Resounding confirmations came through, even months in advance. It was all coming together, and I couldn’t wait for my special day.
May rolled around, and the weekend had arrived. My current partner, Jon, took time off work to prepare for my surprise. This was also my first real birthday with a loving partner. We met seven months prior. I was tired of the dating scene and the theatrics involved. By the end of our second date, the curtains finally closed, and I knew we were compatible. Our connection has lasted and grows more each day. It was no surprise he was practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation. He had something planned for months. I ended up having to work, and the day truly dragged. I tried my best to put on my biggest smile for the surprise.
I met up with him at my apartment, where he had decorated the place with balloons, a banner, and gift bags since he wanted me to open his gifts early. He even got a bouquet of flowers as the cherry on top. It was the sweetest surprise before my friends convened the next day to celebrate with me. I was so grateful to have someone who cared enough about me to take a full day to recognize my birthday.
Yet, my smile didn’t quite reach my eyes due to a long day at work and plenty of errands left to run before the party the next day. Being observant, he noticed immediately. Being empathetic, he understood having a long day but was visibly hurt by my discontented reaction. I just didn’t have the energy to show what my words failed to express. I was worn out from the day and the planning, and he received less of me overall. I didn’t intend to hurt him, but intention loses its importance when the impact is harmful.
In the moments before drifting off to sleep, I drowsily lay awake. It was then that I began to doubt my grand plans. I had hurt my partner, and that immediately gave me pause. It seemed like such a fun plan several months before, but I began to think this wasn’t actually what I wanted. Was I expecting too much? Would tomorrow be any better? Is this even really what I wanted from the start? My qualms pervaded my thoughts until I finally fell asleep.
The night before my birthday was a bust. So, I was determined to have a better day. I woke up with kisses, snuggles, and breakfast from my love. He had made eggs, bacon, and pancakes, our favorite Saturday morning meal. After the previous night, he was determined to have a better day, although I had nearly ruined his surprise. Even then, he remained committed to me and my utmost happiness; it’s one of the many reasons why we’re still together today, almost one year later.
Everyone had made it into town and was arriving at the Airbnb. My partner and I were grabbing the food and were one of the last to show up. As soon as I arrived, my framily flocked to us. Hugs, compliments, and screams were exchanged as we made our way inside. However, my doubts gave way to anxiety as my friends listed off several issues with the house. Ants in the kitchen. Broken stair rails and doorknobs. The pool out back was littered with trash. My jovial mood deflated instantly.
My friends assured me that we would have a good time regardless. That’s the thing about framily; they lift you up no matter what. I apologized profusely since I was the one who picked the house. They waved me off, saying they were just really happy to see me. This moment emphasized the importance of the chosen family I invited into my life. They would always be here to support me, and they wouldn’t let me forget that.
Eventually, Jeff, my musically inclined friend, who was in charge of the playlist for the evening arrived, and the party began. From “Flex” by Cupid to “Love” by Keyshia Cole to “No Hands” by Waka Flocka and crew, my creative friend curated the atmosphere for the night. After knowing Jeff for about seven years, I knew the vibe he could bring. We’d shared struggles and triumphs throughout college and still do the same today. We’ve gotten to a point where we can communicate without words. He has become another chosen sibling.
Bri, my talented PhD friend, was in charge of picking games for us to play, and we definitely tried to play them. She volunteered to lead the games, but she was who I had in mind while planning. She started as my mentor, tutoring me in organic chemistry. Over time, a friendship blossomed, and sisterhood soon followed. We continue to build our bond years later.
However, it was beyond time for games. Only music, drinks, and dancing triumphed. People were catching up with each other since my last party, and the cooler saw more action than Vin Diesel as the night carried on. Line dances kept everyone moving. I had completed my task of throwing a party, and everyone was having a good time. However, disappointment quickly spread through me. I couldn’t enjoy it because I was worried about the next task or keeping everyone engaged.
The night was winding down, and I was beat. It was hard wrangling drunk people, cleaning, and trying to have a good time—and failing. I convened with the stragglers who stayed up with me, and they divulged all the top moments from the day and night. I learned about so many things I had failed to notice or wasn’t present for. With the small group still drearily awake at 1 AM, I laughed for the first time all day. I realized then what I really wanted for my 26th birthday.
I didn’t need an Airbnb, catered food, games, or a party. I just needed more moments with my partner and friends. I wanted more belly laughs, outrageous moments, and heartwarming revelations that only come from being around your people. I was upset about the culmination of my birthday, but I couldn’t be upset with those who love me. They showed up—some took flights, while others drove. My partner surprised me with flowers, decorations, gifts, and breakfast in bed. Those are the moments I want for my birthdays, special occasions, or even regular Wednesdays.
As life bops along, certain moments cannot be recreated. Life is meant to be lived in community with loved ones, but planning can often detract from being in the present with the people you love. Life rarely goes as planned, so we are all at its mercy. How we ride the waves, stillness, and everything in between matters more than the events themselves. Who we bring along for the events matters most. The plans don’t matter; people do.
I’m thankful for the friends who bring the soundtrack to life, help me clean actual and figurative messes, carve out moments of fun, care for me, and choose me. I appreciate my partner, who allows me to feel every emotion on the feelings wheel and seeks to understand the person I am with awe and gusto. I’m grateful to have friends who are family in a time when individualism reigns. I have built my community, and they have sustained me through every moment, large or small.
By the end of the next day, I found peace knowing that my birthday party wasn’t a failure at all. It was indeed a celebration with music, family, food, and memories with those closest to me. I’d experienced another successful birthday with people willing to travel to celebrate and ensure a beautiful day for me. My 26th year brought a mix of irresolution, irritation, and frustration, sprinkled with more memories to last a lifetime. The memories are what I choose to take with me, along with my framily. I choose to leave behind the blueprints and strategies to embrace more laughs, tears, epiphanies, and authentic moments. For my 27th birthday, that’s exactly what I want.
To get there, I won’t be planning a party at all.
Luci Strong is a budding writer hailing from Mississippi. Her Southern experiences and upbringing shape her writing. She loves to read romances, thrillers, and fantasy novels. When she’s not reading, writing, or working in healthcare, she enjoys baking, hanging out with family and friends, and binge-watching various TV shows (her current read is Daughter of No Worlds by Clarissa Broadbent).
Written by Luci Strong
